Chime School

Relationship Communication Problems

Colossians 4:6

Have you ever started an innocent conversation with someone only to have it disintegrate into anger or frustration? We sometimes try to pinpoint where it all went wrong; but a more useful starting point may be, “What can I do to prevent it?” Other than those lopsided encounters with someone who talks as if there’s no tomorrow, most conversations include a give and take in which we alternate roles of speaker and listener. Following are “ground rules” that can be helpful in any interaction. The focus here is on the speaker role and, in particular, those talks in which you need to address an area of conflict, a sensitive topic, or something that bothers you. By “speaker role” I mean times when you have a complaint against someone as opposed to those situations when someone’s pointing out a problem he has with you.

Is this really an issue?

It’s amazingly easy to get caught up in drama. Before you go charging into a fray, ask yourself, “Is this important, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?” It’s so tempting to convince ourselves that we’re dealing with a real problem. Put it on hold for a day or two before addressing the issue. Allowing your emotions to take over is counter-productive; approach the situation as calmly as possible. By taking a long deep breath you enable yourself to be objective.

Be respectful.

Resolve to be respectful with the other person. In order for you to be effective it will help a great deal if you aren’t critical. Being negative or condescending will alienate others and make it difficult for them to listen to your perspective. Rather than point out how he’s wrong, focus instead on a goal. It’s easy for a person to feel defensive. If he does, let him know that you simply want a new outcome.

Communication could be very decisive in nature, lets take an example suppose we have two project teams A and B working for a common client. The Project Manager of team A is widely experienced and is able to do his work up to an average level, whereas the Project Manager of team B is not that experienced and also does average work, but is a very good communicator. Now what happens is when client has a problem with let us say deliveries of the two projects, then project Manager of Team B will be able to put forth his view point and problems he is facing with the delivery of the project much better than of his counterpart in Team A. So when the client has to decide about the fate of the two teams, it would be Project manager of Team A who would receive flak from them.

Stay focused.

You can get off track in thousands of ways. Regardless what the other person says, remember the reason you brought up the discussion; return to the topic anytime either of you veers off course. If the other person makes some kind of counter-argument, acknowledge it when true; but return to your original issue. Don’t get caught up with tangential problems.

So, gift yourself while you gift the other person with your presence as an eager listener. Your world will expand and grow. And you know what else? You will also feel really good because of the gift you gave somebody.

What rewards will you reap? You will enjoy the most fantastic, most solid, most dependable relationships that you ever could have imagined

Resource Author Francisco R. Higueras
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