Revising the Meaning of Friendship – Relationships
What is your definition of a true friend?
Well most start with: someone who is there when you need them, someone who really cares, someone who will listen when no one else will, someone who is empathetic and understanding etc.
Such criteria are usually based on the premise that “when I’m in some kind of pain and need someone to be there only a true friend will be there.”
Well under what circumstances does someone really need someone else to be there for them? Well when they’re experiencing a difficult situation and are therefore in the role of a victim. In such cases the “friend” assumes the supporting role and therefore bears some of the pain.
Now I ask you, does this sound like a loving thing to ask of another human being, to ask them to assume some of your pain? Well some might think and do so on a regular basis.
Or does it feel manipulative and exploitative? Many such “friends” do in fact feel exploited. How do I know this? Well you hear it all around you.
For instance it’s common knowledge that those individuals who make such contracts with each other often secretly “keep score” with their “friends” to see whether they are getting their own personal needs met as well. When they aren’t you can over hear them talking to third parties about how “my friend always expects me to support him/her and rarely gives me much in return”?
Hence such a “friendship” is based on a covert contract of mutual exploitation yet many accept this as normal. Ironically they also think that complaining about it is also normal!
Why do such relationships exist at all? Well there are many reasons but I will outline what I feel is the major one.
A Longing to Uplift Them
When formulating the relationship, you carefully observe their body language and become tuned into their moods and mannerisms. You become so aware of their way that you can diagnose their emotions from how they carry themselves. When they are visibly down, you notice and empathize with their struggle. A close friendship reaches out to bring a timely word or touch to uplift their loved one.
Tenderness is a vital aspect of intimate relationships and close friendships. It displays a deep sense of connection and gentle consideration towards a person’s loved ones. Cultivate a genuinely tender attitude and you will have no trouble developing strong friendships
Resource Author Francisco Rodriguez H.
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