Posts Tagged ‘abusers’
Are You Aware Of The Various Types Of Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is defined as “inter-spousal physical or emotional abuse.” It’s easy for victims to say, “Well he doesn’t actually hit me,” but harmful words, threats, name-calling and manipulation often lead to more serious consequences later down the road. Often, couples in domestic disputes lose sight of reality and feel that fighting is “normal,” or that it’s “healthy to disagree.” However, one should never feel afraid of his or her partner, unable to freely discuss certain topics without provoking outrage, or restrained by a partner’s obsessive jealousy.
Johnson and Ferraro (2000) classified domestic violence into five different types. The first type is called “Common Couple Violence,” where there are one or two incidents of extreme violence that doesn’t follow a pattern of attempted control. These abusers (which are 56% male and 44% female) are usually non-violent outside the house and are least likely to be sexually or emotionally violent. The second type is called “Intimate Terrorism,” which is a pattern of control and manipulation that involves emotional abuse.
These assailants are more likely to kill their partners and plot revenge following the breakup of a relationship. The third type of domestic violence is “Violent Resistance,” where one partner acts controlling and intimidating, while the other partner reacts in violent self-defense. This kind of violence may be a one-time event or a pattern. “Mutual Violent Control” or mutual combat involves two people using violence to control one another. The last domestic violence type is called “Dysphoric-Borderline Violence,” which describes a needy, dependent and emotionally imbalanced person who turns to “pitbull” type violence out of frustration, depression, fear of abandonment and neediness.
Other researchers and counselors describe domestic violence as simply being emotional, physical, sexual or financial victimization. Emotional abuse entails name-calling, shouting, threatening, insulting your family and friends, taking your car keys, refusing to work or share money, telling you to leave, abusing pets, lying to manipulate or humiliating you in public. Physical violence is more obvious, with hitting, slapping, biting, choking, hair pulling, striking, pinning you down, throwing things, driving recklessly, refusing you medication, locking you out of the house, threatening you with a weapon or doing anything that would endanger your life. Sexual abuse entails criticizing you sexually, mitigating your personal feelings about sex, insisting on unwanted uncomfortable sex or touching, forced sex after physical violence or during sickness, insisting that you dress sexually, withholding sex or affection “as punishment,” or committing outright rape.
You may also call one of the following hotlines: the National Abuse at 1-800-25ABUSE, Friends of Battered Women and Their Children at 1-800-603-HELP, the National domestic violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), the Elder Abuse Hotline at 1-800-252-8966, or the National Youth Crisis number at 1-800-448-4663. By calling these numbers, you can receive services, including crisis intervention, safe separation planning assistance, referrals to counselors, programs or services and police escorts.
You Should Not Overlook Dating Violence
Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced dating violence. Teenage partner abuse comes in many forms, such as physical battery, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and date rape. Often, much violence takes place with unmarried cohabitants or couples, with the majority of the abuse taking place in one of the partner’s own homes. The insidious nature of these crimes is that manipulation keeps many victims silent, self-denial keeps many perpetrators repeatedly offending and fear of the unknown keeps many abusive relationships thriving.
Once you’ve “been through so much,” where do you draw the line on dating violence and say “enough is enough?” Over time, as patterns emerge, it’s natural for one to lose sight of reality. It seems like “everyone fights” or is involved in some drama, yet that doesn’t make it ok. You do not ever have to be someone’s physical or emotional punching bag. There are so many other possible partners out there, don’t think you have to settle, especially so young. If your partner shoves, slaps, hits or punches you, then get out! If you fear bringing up certain topics, feel you’re walking on egg shells or that you’re a prisoner in your own home and suspect he’s listening in on your phone calls, then escape while you still can! If he’s accusing you of cheating, giving you “the look,” calling you disparaging names or shouting at you, then remember that you don’t have to put up with his abuse.
Perhaps you’re a concerned parent who suspects your teen may be a victim of dating violence. Generally, parents have a sense about abusive characters as soon as they come around, so be vigilant about your instincts. If the teenager avoids coming around your house, tries to isolate your daughter from her friends, avoids eye contact or doesn’t appear friendly at all, then you have reason to be suspicious. Watch for signs of physical injury with stories that don’t match up with the marks. If your daughter skips school, suffers failing grades, begins using alcohol or drugs and begins acting differently, then she may be a victim of abuse. Emotional outbursts can signal emotional dependency, as the abused wishes to spend every waking moment with their abuser. As a parent, you do not need to confront your teen alone. Seeking an intervention through one of the hotlines may be your best recourse.
In case you haven’t figured it out by now, dating violence perpetrators tell lies aimed at manipulating and controlling their partner. In most cases, the perpetrators even lie to themselves. Learning to recognize their tactics and techniques for controlling you can help you deal with the situation and move on. For example, if he claims that you “just don’t understand him,” or argues that you “just push his buttons,” then these are statements that blame, in hopes that you’ll stay with him out of guilt. If he tells you he “had a bad childhood,” “just gets angry when he drinks or uses drugs,” “has anger management problems” or “has a lot of stress right now,” then these are excuses, evidence of self-denial and attempts to trick you into feeling sympathetic, even though his behaviors are completely controllable. He may try to say that yelling or smashing things is “his release,” but these abusive behaviors just aren’t normal.