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Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Emotional abuse has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant yelling and name-calling. One of the damages that emotional abuse can cause is that it would be really hard for you to accept your condition. This article will help you identify the problem and work over it.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. This is not easy because you will be carrying this burden throughout your life.
Emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this too. You would think if only there is something that you can eat that would make it vanish forever! But that’s not exactly how it works. It’s really that you have to do the work to re frame your memories and re-shape your mindset.
Here are some steps to help you move on:

• They key to healing is Acceptance! You must accept that you are being abused. You will get nowhere if your mind is set into believing that abusive behavior is normal.
• Stop feeling guilty!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
• What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
• Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
• Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. If you think counseling is necessary, then find a good counselor. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

What you can do is use the information in your past to help you with your future. Healing emotional abuse requires patience and trust to yourself and others who can help you. Everything in the past will recast in a different light If you allow things to happen.

It’s important to move on, and do what you want to do with your life, and find yourself again.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

Divorce is hard as it is. Parting ways with someone who you had thought would stick with you for better or for worse is not easy. Added to this, finding a loyal reliable divorce lawyer who keeps your interests in mind has become very difficult.

Unlike a plumber you can find through the yellow pages or online, a divorce lawyer will become privy to your confidential and often emotional information. The plumber’s work only is useful in rectifying the water flow from a faucet that is leaking whereas the lawyer’s work determines how you will be spending the rest of your life. What will happen to your children, your home, your other assets and the like.

Hence, it may take sometime to locate a good divorce lawyer and do not get perturbed about it. Don’t just go with the first divorce lawyer you find in the phone book.

Referrals are always the best way to find a divorce lawyer as the person who is referring you vouches for at least partial credibility. They may have used the same divorce lawyer or may know them personally. This is a better way of selecting a divorce lawyer than picking the lawyer at random from the yellow page that might have an old name.

If you are unable to get referrals and hence you are forced to get the name either from online resources or phonebook you should shortlist a divorce lawyer who offers you free initial consultation.

Are you looking for a divorce lawyer who speaks your mother tongue or are you in need of a lawyer who lives closer to your place of residence or office? You should consider this aspect carefully because a divorce case prolongs for a long time that too if your case is not aboveboard. It is preferable to find a divorce attorney who knows your language and also has his office located nearer to you; in addition his timings should also suit you. Find out the email address of the attorney and also get the references of people whose divorce cases he has handled so that you can cross verify.

Nowadays most of the well known law firms have an attractive website. Visit the website of the divorce lawyer you find and see if something appeals to you. Do they have a philosophy that suits yours? Are they members of associations you trust such as a church group or an ethnic league?

The divorce attorney whom you choose should not just be a divorce law professional. He has to be compassionate and sensitive to your needs too. Remember the human factor amid all the degrees and accreditations also matters a lot. Therefore, a face to face visit is crucial.

Arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict is inevitable for growth in your relationship. If you may think that the strongest relationships cannot go through some tough times-you are wrong because any relationship can be destroyed if things are out of control. This article is about knowing if you are a fair fighter in your relationship.
You become an enemy in the eyes of your significant Other if there is a fight between the two fo you. What kind of enemy do you think you are?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you escape and avoid arguments in your relationship?
It makes you a bad enemy if you fight your battles alone or for your self-defense.
A good enemy on the other hand, does not avoid any arguments. A good enemy listens and makes an effort to solve the conflict. If you have strength if character and abundance of patience, you would be able to handle situations and solve problems easily.

If you are able to do all of these, it simply shows that you are able to listen to the hidden content of the whole idea of arguing- you are able to determine what your partner is crying out for, the need for contact and the desperation for loneliness.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
You always think about your partner’s feelings, if they feel good about themselves each day. – Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers – Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship – You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. You accept your shortcomings and find ways to become a better partner
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. but if you are able to deal with it, it shows that you have a skill of a good enemy.

The skills of a good enemy:

• Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
• Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
• Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
• Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
• Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and peaceful atmosphere. Your goal must be clear, that fighting is not to make you a bad enemy, but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts“

How do you express your anger?

• Your get “Hotheaded” and more intensely cursing and throwing things
• You do not show anger in loud ways but you are chronically irritable and grumpy
• Or constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments

The choices above simply shows that you have not learned how to constructively express  anger. This beaviour isn’t likely to lead to many successful relationships.
Expressing anger in a controlled way is extremely difficult. The tendency for most is to explode and rant on.
To some extent, you can do things that will take your mind off the anger.
But do you think walking out of the situaton a healthy way? It is important to express your anger because it will pile up inside you.
Why is it important to express anger? If your anger is not allowed as an outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. It can create problems like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them. Or displaying hostile and cynical behavior. Worst-Case scenario would be : hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Here are some simple ways to control your anger :

• By expressing you can say what your needs are, and how to get them, without hurting others.
• You can suppress your anger by converting it into a more constructive behavior or redirecting and focusing on something positive.
• You can calm down by controlling your inward and outward behavior, let the feelings subside to avoid health related problems

Remember that anger is a completely normal, human expression of emotion. But when it gets out of control, it can turn into a destructive, unhealthy situation that can lead to problems in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

Give yourself the opportunity to express anger in a safe way, without hurting anyone else. And truly forgive the person who wronged you as well as to truly forgive yourself.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

You may also want to check out : Anger Management On Line for your online anger management class

Do you feel like your are allways  avoiding conflicting situations?

Are you feeling pushed to accept a deal where you don’t get your needs met?

Today I want to discuss with you how to deal with conflicting situations instead of avoiding them. You are also going to learn more ways on how to deal with handling issues and find solutions in every conflict that you encounter.

What if there are more ways of dealing with conflict, besides avoiding or denying it? Use the opportunities to strengthen and deepen your relationship adding a deeper connection and more meaning?

You may think that avoiding conflict situation to keep the peace, that giving in to other’s demands will protect you from suffering.

But do you feel happy deep inside? Or you are just giving up your own needs of recognition and affection, in exchange of ‘peace’?

Here are some thoughts while dealing with conflictive situations:

• You have to be able to give in once in a while. It is fair for the both of you.
• Just agreed to avoid the silent treatment.
• It may be best to cool it off until you are a bit calmer.
• Bringing up the past make things worse.

It just seems so easy to ignore the problems or just accept them, than trying to do something about your differences. Specially when you don’t know how to approach the situation and get something positive out of it.

Over the time, you fall into the habit of acceptance. At your expenses..

Unfortunately, these unresolved issues tend to bulid up inside you and at the end there will be so much accumulate resentment it will be too late for you to save your relationship.

Remember: Small differences arise between people in their everyday lives. If you decide something for your relationship, then both of you should be willing to commit to the resolution that you have made. Conflict becomes necessary at times, it can help save your marriage if done in a thoughtful manner…

Meanwhile, you can wait for your next lesson, coming to your inbox soon!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site Positive Conflicts , And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Do you feel unhappy eventhough you are with someone whom you are supposed to be intimate with? Do you feel that instead of making your life peaceful, your relationship becomes stressful and hard to deal with?
There are a lot of factors in your relationship that puts you in an unhappy situation. We can presume that your partner might be in a matured relationship with you but what you may not know is that he may have unresolved personal pain from childhood that makes him hard to deal with. You partner might also never learnt how to accept and manage his anger.  If you do not realize the factors at some point, you will find yourself in a more chaotic situation with your partner.
In this article, you will find out if your partner has passive aggressive tendencies harmful to your relationship. This will help you understand your partner and save your relationship from being destroyed. If you are able to understand his past, you can regain your integrity and self-respect.
Here are some signs of a person who has a PA behavior:
– Acts passive but aggressively gets what he wants – Agrees up front then doesn’t do what he agreed to and make things complicated in the end – Strikes his anger indirectly – Gets out of the situation where there is confrontation and criticism over an issue – Complaining about anything and thinks deeply how his life is being cursed
A passive aggressive person are emotionally unavailable and can’t allow anybody to get very emotional close. They tend to reject emotional intensity and would find comfort by their inner isolation.
You can try to be patient and understanding but eventually, you will be confused by a barage of mixed irrrational or emotional contradictory messages. They would blame you for making them angry. As a result, you feel dismissed, ignored and rejected. You do not know how to handle and react on a conflicting situation. If you are in a negative environment, your ability to decide can be affected.
Some situation does not improve because your parner tries to confuse and brainwash you. Sometimes there are behavioral patterns that you can adapt from your partner like being violent.
Do you want to be happy in a relationship?

If you answer YES, then you should understand that his reactions have nothing to do with YOU! The fact is that he would react in the same way to any one who threatens to enter into his private world. His fear is not of you, but of intimacy and yielding to emotional compromise with any woman. When conflict appears, you should know where you stand so you can decide what to do with your life.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Get your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘
before I take it off line!

It is a fact, that no matter how successful you are, your happiness would still not come from money nor fame but from the relationship that you build around you.
Experience tells you that It’s not easy to build a lasting relationship. Somewhere along the road, things will get in the way and you find yourself unable to maintain  your relationship.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a strong emotion. It is one thing that is going to do some damage whether you choose to express it or hold it.
What if you have ever loved someone who was angry at the world? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
There are situations in a relationship where one becomes really angry or always gets angry on anything and it creates a need to try to control everything. Anger can damage a relationship. If anger arises, events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely.

But ask yourself:
Does this help our relationship healthy?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

• Anger can be easily destroyed if not taken cared of.
• Your self-esteem and confidence can be affected by anger.
• - Anger does affect trust and love.
• - Anger is not a peaceful emotion, it is full of uncertainty and fear, you’ll never know what happens next – Anger makes you say and do things that you will regret for the rest of your life.

If there is too much anger in your present situation or if you are in a relationship with someone who is easily angered, then perhaps you should start thinking if you still have an intimate life with your partner.Being in a chaotic situation will make you unhappy and can cause more ill feelings that would eventually destroy your intimacy.
Trust and honesty can be destroyed by anger so easily and it wears off intimacy in your relationship. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance are the causes of anger and it can destroy a loving relationship.

Anger results to negative feelings.

Intimacy vanishes in a relationship if there is constant blaming and criticizing.

Accept and understand eachother to protect a truly valuable emotional bond that you have invested. Do not allow anyone of you to erupt into criticism. Find ways to discuss things in a peaceful manner.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts“

Do you have the feeling that everyday conflicts are becoming harder to tolerate?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s see why this idea of “winner” and “looser” is at the heart of this constant escalation of arguments…

There may be some reasons that justifies the idea of “winning” over an argument, instead of looking a an issue to be resolved together.

Maybe because of the most common perspective that you fight for a scarce resource; forcing you to “fight for the last bottle of water.”

The problem is when it only about “winning” you will see the opponent as someone that has to be defeated, transforming the person you love into an ‘enemy’.

The battle scenario would look like this:

1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

• Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
• Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
  Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
• If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
• Unresolved confrontations can lead to more tension in the relationship.
• Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

If you follow this model to the end, sooner or later you will destroy your relationship.

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Using positive techniques on how to manage conflicts, you learn more ways resolve conflicts other than to have a winner and a loser.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

Have you recently had a bust up and would like to get your ex back? Maybe it’s not that bad yet and you haven’t split, but it’s looking bleak. You can use the following three tips to help you get what you want.

It’s not going to be an easy task to save your relationship but it should be a worthwhile one. Especially if there’s still a bit of a spark between you both. Have a look at the next three tips as they may be the key to getting back together.

1 – Back to the very beginning

Think about the person you fell in love with. What exactly was it about them. What attracted them to you? It’s so easy to slip into a comfort zone when you’ve been together a while.

When you first got together you work hard being the person they fell for. Try to find that person again. That person is the person your ex (or soon to be ex) fell for. Try to be that person again.

2 – Mutual attraction

Attraction is the driving force behind all loving relationships. Like magnets, you can either attract or repel your partner. If you aren’t making yourself attractive to your partner then you are accidentally forcing them to be repulsed by you.

Attraction can be many things. Not just someone who is pleasing on the eye. You could easily be attracted to your partners’ sense of humour or self confidence. Identify what they were attracted to and play up on that again.

3 – Talk it over

Communicating is important when you are trying to rescue your relationship. But don’t overdo it. No one likes heavy duty “talks” and most will try hard to avoid them. Don’t make your ex suffer this hurt. Keep any conversations light-hearted.

Remember the good conversations you used to have in the early days, you need to recreate them. It was those early conversations that brought you both closer. You can go a long way to saving your relationship by recreating those conversations with your ex (or partner).

Saving your relationship 101

Although the tips above seem simple enough when you read them, actually putting them into practice is much more difficult. Many people just haven’t got the confidence (me included) to take the above steps. They end up missing the chance of happiness. A lack of confidence will greatly reduce your chances of success.

However, a step by step “get your ex back” system will give you all the confidence you need save your relationship. Check out my reviews of the top 3 systems at my website…

MakeupNotBreakup.com

Have you recently had a bust up and would like to get your ex back? Maybe it’s not that bad yet and you haven’t split, but it’s looking bleak. You can use the following three tips to help you get what you want.

It’s not going to be an easy task to save your relationship but it should be a worthwhile one. Especially if you can feel there is still some love left. The next three tips could be just the thing to kick-start you into getting your ex back, or your relationship back on the rails.

1 – Rewind to the start of it all

Who, or what did you fall in love with? Think about that. Also, who or what did your partner fall in love with? When a relationship stagnates into routine, it’s easy to let it slip.

At the very beginning you make the effort to please your new found love by playing up on the things they like. Try to find, and be that very person again. Your partner fell for the “you” that you were back then, so you need to find that person again.

2 – You need attraction to each other

Being attractive to your partner is key to a good relationship. Without it there is nothing. Magnets either attract or repel, depending on which way round you put them. If you aren’t making yourself attractive to your partner then you are accidentally forcing them to be repulsed by you.

Being attracted to someone doesn’t just mean liking the way they look, or finding them sexy. Attraction can come in the shape of intelligence or humour. Pinpoint what it was that attracted them to you and recreate it.

3 – Good communication

Trying to save your relationship by having in depth heated debates with your partner (or ex) isn’t going to work. No one likes heavy duty “talks” and most will try hard to avoid them. If you can keep the conversation light and friendly this will help bring you closer.

Try to recreate the sort of conversations you had when you first met. It was those early conversations that brought you both closer. If you can show your partner (or ex) that you can be the person they first met you are well on your way to saving your relationship.

Rescuing your relationship 101

Although the tips above seem simple enough when you read them, actually putting them into practice is much more difficult. A lot of people lack the confidence to actually take action, and sadly end up doing nothing. I’ve been there & done that, or not done it as is the case here. A lack of confidence will greatly reduce your chances of success.

However, a step by step “get your ex back” system will give you all the confidence you need save your relationship. I’ve done a review of the most popular ones at my website…

MakeupNotBreakup.com